Feeling Sorry For Kikyou
by Peenya Kowlada
Summary: Dear Ms. Higurashi, It has come to our attention that you suck at being a teenager. For one, just look at your room. Not to be mean, but you are an embarrassment to the teen society. Please proceed to climb into the shed with a paper bag over your head


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I own beanie babies. Except for the one sitting on my computer screen. But she doesn't count. Oh, and I don't own pocky, or Bose, or any other brand names, places, etc., in here. I also don't really own this plotline, because it's from the book stated at the bottom author notes.  
  
Feeling Sorry For Kikyou  
  
Dear Ms. Higurashi,  
  
It has come to our attention that you, in brief, unbelievably suck at being a teenager.  
  
For one, just look at your room. The are no posters on the wall. (Don't even try and say that one picture counts. A cute puppy rolling in grass looking happy, made by your mother as an ad for dog food? Oh please.)  
  
There are various snowflakes made from folding paper and cutting hanging from your curtain rod. The only make up you have is an old cherry flavored lip balm, (That, come to think of it, doesn't even count as make-up!!) which is melting on your Lyra the Lioness Beanie Baby. (Which is not the only one sitting on your dresser. We CAN see them!)  
  
Not to be mean or anything, but you are an embarrassment to the teenager society. Please proceed to climb into the fridge with a paper-bag over your head until your teenage years have completely ended.  
  
Thank-you for your time,  
  
Yours truly, The Society of True Teenagers  
  
P.S. You do not seem to know the elements of getting a tan. You look like a slice of watermelon with that sunburn.  
  
||KAGOME|| LOOK AT THIS NOTE||OVER HERE||ON THE KITCHEN DOOR||  
  
KAG,  
  
I HOPE YOU SAW THIS. EAT THE OATMEAL I LEFT IN THE BOWL. ALSO, PUT SOME PETROLEUM JELLY ON YOUR FACE. AND NEVER BURN IT LIKE THAT AGAIN. THE SKIN WILL PEEL AWAY AND NOTHING WILL BE LEFT BUT BONES AND BLOOD. AND STUFF.  
  
IT IS VERY AND MOST DEFINITELY COLD TODAY. PLEASE WEAR 6 PAIRS OF KNEE HIGH SOCKS TODAY.  
  
HAVE A NICE FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL.  
  
WITH LOVE,  
  
YOUR WONDERFUL MOTHER  
  
Dear Mom,  
  
I saw the note.  
  
I didn't eat the oatmeal. I gave it to Buyo. I hate oatmeal, and if you were the wonderful mother you think you are, you would know that.  
  
Also, I did not wear 6 pairs of knee socks. As a matter of fact, I'm not wearing any socks. It's not even really cold. You must be a fish. They can't feel temperatures can they? Or at least they'd better not, being that I have a science test on fish.  
  
On a different note, I did NOT burn my face on purpose.  
  
I didn't put any petroleum jelly on my face either. I mean, that stuff smells, and I'm not going to my first day of school looking like some sort of shiny, greasy, coin or something! Thanks for the blood and bones warning though.  
  
Your Daughter, Kagome  
  
Dear Ms. Higurashi,  
  
It is with much pleasure that we'd like to invite you to our society.  
  
We've just reviewed how your holiday went. It was perfect! The way you had 3 assignments, an English essay, and a couple of chapters of math to do, and didn't work on not one single piece of it.  
  
We also have a feeling you have a Life Science test today on fish, and you can't even tell the difference between the fin and the tail. Or are they the same thing? If you were ready you would know that. And now your trying to study? On the bus? With the Crossroad boys stacking themselves on their shoulders, trying to reach the emergency exit on the ceiling? With Kikyou about to get on the bus at any moment? And you actually think that might make a difference?!  
  
That's really funny Kagome, and we like you for it.  
  
You're perfect for our society, and we're extremely happy to have you join.  
  
Yours Sincerely, The Manager (of) The Society of People Who Are Most Definitely Going to Fail High School and Probably Life as Well  
  
A LETTER TO A COMEPLETE STRANGER  
  
Dear Complete Stranger,  
  
The first thing I must say is that I hate oatmeal. Not I-hate-when- the-wind-blows-my-papers hate, but homework-from-school hate. I mean I absolutely LOATHE oatmeal. I mean, say you were lost in the Yukon in Antarctica, and you hadn't had anything but a bit of strawberry pocky for about 8 years, and your really cold and your fingers are about to drop off, and behind a rock you see oatmeal.  
  
Would you even consider eating that oatmeal?  
  
If you answered yes to the previous question, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT WRITING TO ME, GOT THAT?  
  
Not to hurt your feelings or anything, but I don't want to have anything to do with you.  
  
I also have to say that it is completely okay if you do not want to read this. If you want to tear it in teeny pieces and throw it away, then scrub you brain with bleach.?  
  
That is OKAY.  
  
I'm really only doing it 'cause Mr. Netrisct, our new English teacher is upset that the art of writing letters has been replaced with the better and more convenient 'art' of email and telephoning, so he wants to rekindle the joy of the ENVELOPE. What next? He wants us to use stone and a hammer and nail to write? Are we going to start hunting for bears for coats instead of heading to the local Gap?  
  
Anyway, he wants us to write with pen pals from our neighboring school (in my opinion, 3 blocks is not neighboring). He thinks it sad that we're so close and have no ties. I don't want to hurt your feeling or anything, but I think we've been okay so far without forging ties, and you have been too.  
  
But the good thing is that he doesn't know about the assignment our old teacher, Mr. Taisho, gave us, which was to write an essay to write over the holiday on To Kill a Mocking Bird, which I read. It was a good book, and I didn't want to ruin it by writing an essay so I didn't.  
  
Mr. Netrisct wrote these things on the board he says we should put in our letters. So we HAVE to put them and I am very extremely sorry.  
  
-My name: Just look at the bottom it says it there.  
  
-My interests: Long-distance running, volleyball, and making pottery. (not really.)(but really about running and volley ball.)  
  
-My friends: My best friend is Kikyou Kikai. (But she's not at school today because she wasn't on the bus. That might not seem important, but that's because you don't know Kikyou.)  
  
-My holiday: I went skiing with my dad.someplace.  
  
There are probably a jillion other things to put on here but this is boring and dumb. You don't care. You've probably already ripped it up and is searching for the bleach RIGHT NOW.  
  
Yours Sincerely, Kagome Higurashi  
  
Dear Ms. Higurashi,  
  
I know what you are going to do. You are going to ride the bus to Kikyou's house to make sure she's okay and hasn't got a relapse of typhoid fever. And if she does you are going to mop her brow, and bring her some Vanilla Coke right? And if she's run away to become a monk, you are going to go and buy a nice shaggy rug for her to sit and meditate on, right?  
  
The Manager, Best Friends Club  
  
Dear Kagome,  
  
I know exactly what your going to do this afternoon. You're going to run 10k aren't you?  
  
The Pathway Run is in only eight weeks. You DO want to finish first don't you? Or be in the top 10? Or finish AT ALL?  
  
Don't you?  
  
Your always, The Society of High School Runners Who Aren't Very Good at Running, But Would be if They Just Trained  
  
||OVER HERE! ON YOU PJ'S!||FOR YOU KAG||  
  
THANKS FOR THE NOTE. I JUST WANTED TO SAY IF YOUR LEGS HAVE FROSTBITE AND ARE PURPLE, AND YOUR SKIN PEELED OFF, LEAVING ONLY BLOOD AND BONES, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME.  
  
I HOPE YOUR FIRST DAY WAS GOOD.  
  
I'M AT THE ACUPUNCTURE PLACE TO SEE IF THEY CAN HELP MY NECK FROM CRUNCHING EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND.  
  
IF YOUR BORED TONIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD DEODERANT?  
  
LOTS OF LOVE FROM YOUR MOTHER  
  
Dear Mum,  
  
I'm about to go nighty night. I hope your neck has stopped crunching.  
  
I had an okay first day back at school, but Kikyou wasn't there.  
  
I ran over to the Kikai's, and Mrs. Kikai said that she ran away by climbing off of the balcony. She said she knows because she fell in the little mini-pool that Seizetsu put there for any of the little animals that may have wanted to take a swim. She didn't stop her, but just decided to breathe in and out, and let Kikyou find her inner self.  
  
Thanks for your exiting suggestion as to how I should spend to night tonight.  
  
Here's what comes to mind when I hear the word DEODERANT:  
  
ARMPITS  
  
Lots of Love, Peace, And Bunnies, Kagome  
  
A LETTER FROM A COMEPLETE AND UTTER STRANGER  
  
Dear Kagome,  
  
Actually, I think oatmeal is good. You probably just haven't had a good bowl of oatmeal. It has to be steaming hot, so it burns your tastebuds, with banana and bread bits in it. Plus you have to put a few packets of brown sugar in it.  
  
I wrote an essay on To Kill A Mockingbird last term. If you want, I could send it to you. The best ways to forge ties is by trading homework. Have you ever done an assignment on the Human Immune system?  
  
-My name: It's at the bottom. You can call me Sango, but never EVER CALL ME SAN-SAN!! If you do, I'll break your face!  
  
-My interests: My butterfly clip collection. HAHA.  
  
-My friends: My best friend is my cousin, Ayame Hanabira. She lives in Triple Lake, and goes to Renada's Ladies College, so I have talked to nice private school girls, so I'm used to you. A lot of people at my school aren't used to you, so they were pissed when Kaede said we had to write letters, and some wouldn't take a letter from the box. Shippou Appuru took a letter, but he gave it back to Kaede and said she could shove it up her ass. I don't know if she did though.  
  
-My holiday: I stayed with my cousin Ayame in Triple Lake. We ate kiwi flavored ice cream and watched movies. She had a Bose stereo. You probably have one too since you're a nice private school girl.  
  
-My boyfriend: You never mentioned having a boyfriend, huh? Do you? My b/f is called Inuyasha. His main talent is whistling. He can whistle in perfect tune. His other talent is his biceps. He can flex his muscles if he's completely drunk. Only then, 'cause he thinks he looks like a total dork if he does.  
  
Anywhoo, I've got 2 brothers, and 2 sisters. I'm the oldest, and wisest, so they're all younger.  
  
What's up with long distance running anyway? How long is long distance? And why do you like that?  
  
Write back since I excuse you for being a nice private school girl.  
  
Sangoshou Momochou (^^You'd better not say anything about that)  
  
P.S. WHY is it important that your friend Kikyou didn't get on the bus in the morning? Is she like, in wheelchair or something?  
  
A LETTER TO SOME ONE WHO IS BASICALLY A STRANGER  
  
Dear Sango,  
  
I don't know what to about the oatmeal. Lets just not talk about it.  
  
Thanks for writing back. I'm glad you got my letter, and not the guy who told the teacher to shove it up her ass.  
  
Long distance running is like cross-country or marathon running. Long distances are different lengths like 14k or 42k. People tell me I shouldn't run because I'm young and when I get older my bones will fall to pieces. But I do it anyhow-mostly because I love the part where you run and then stop running.  
  
A VERY important thing to know is that I am not a nice private school girl. I know I'm not because all the other girls take stuff like clarinet classes or go to Pony Club. And whenever I'm talking to them the blink there mascara'd lashes very quickly as though they need to take little breaks from seeing me or something.  
  
I'm writing this in science, and Mr. Foogendune is going blah blah bladdy blah about the human skeleton. When I first came in and sat down, before Mr. Foogendune came in, this guy named Hojo Fainansu turned around and said "Kagome! You look RADIANT!"  
  
So first, I'm thinking 'Oh great! Hobo's got a crush on me-now what?' (Homo's got brownish orange hair that looks like beeswax, and a chin that looks like brocolli.)  
  
Then Jaken Gama turns around and goes, "Is that red or what?"  
  
And then I remember that my face is so red that my cat can't even recognize me. It's because I went skiing and got sun burnt.  
  
I can say, right now, that if I WERE a nice private school girl I wouldn't have gotten bright red from going skiing. I would be a golden tan that makes it look as though I dipped my head in honey.  
  
Anyway, Homo and Jaken are staring at me like Krudler and Schuld staring at a family of baby aliens that came out of the kitchen sink, when Mr. Foogendune comes in.  
  
THEN Homo calls out "Sir, look at Kagome's face. She's gonna' get skin cancer, huh? Maybe we should do a topic on diseases and use Kagome as our experiment?"  
  
Mr. Foogendune Looks straight at my face as does the rest of the class, and their saying things like "How can you be that sun burnt and still be alive," and "Is she clinically dead, sir?"  
  
Then Mr. Foogendune clears his throat and Homo goes, "Do you have throat cancer sir?"  
  
In short the guys are almost as bad as the girls, just stupider.  
  
So anyway, I really only have one friend here and that Kikyou, and she's DEFINITELY not a nice private school girl. She's kind of odd actually. She's always getting in trouble because she gets really really bored really really easily. So she's always trying something new, like shaving her head, chopping down a tree, or taking apart the kitchen and putting it back together again. (she did that to my kitchen actually, and it took several months to reconnect the dishwasher.)  
  
MY mum says it because she has the attention span of a grain of rice.  
  
KIKYOU'S mum says it's because Kikyou's identity is slowly unfurling it's self slowly, like a rosebud, and it's a beautiful thing to see.  
  
I'm kind of depressed since Kikyou ran away again. She does it a lot, but she usually calls and tell me where she is. She hasn't called yet though. I'm scared something bad may have happened to her. My mum says "Call the police." But Kikyou's mom says "Remember the Rosebud?" and says to breathe in and out.  
  
Sorry for making this letter so unbelievably long. Hope your not bored. Tell me your brothers' and sisters' names if you wanna. I don't have any siblings so it's nice to hear about them.  
  
From, Kagome  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
TADA! Tis the first fic from Peenya Kowlada, so be gentle. And, REVIEW!! No chapters 'till you review!  
  
Also, this whole chapter is disturbingly similar to Jaclyn Moriarty's book, 'Feeling Sorry for Celia.' It's based off of that, and the beginning chapter (this one) will be really similar to it, just to get me started. However, it'll grow to be, probably, completely different. Thanx for reading. I know its kinda short, but bear with me. Romance will be in much later chapters. Crazy Pairings up ahead.  
  
NAME TRANSLATIONS!  
  
I'm not sure if all of these are right, but it should be the rough translation. Correct me if I'm wrong. Here ya go!  
  
Sangoshou Momoshou: Coral Reef Peach Pie;  
  
Shippou Appuru: The 7 treasures (meanign gold, silvers, pearls, etc.,) Apple;  
  
Kikyou Kikai: Eccentric (or Chinese Bell flower) Weird;  
  
Seizetsu Kikai: Extremely Weird Weird;  
  
Ayame Hanabira: Iris Petals;  
  
Fainansu Hojo: Finance Support;  
  
Sesshoumaru Ippan: The killing perfection of a bowl of rice;  
  
Jaken Gama: Cruel Toad;  
  
I just went over this, MAJOR TYPOS! I fixed them all. Please review. Thanx for readin'!! 


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